in life, you've just gotta suck it up

the title's so true. its part and parcel. just gotta brave the waves and await the calm.

alright. at least i dont feel so helpless now. 2h23min on the phone till 2am.. was good. now we knw more. and im glad about it. stoning at home now. preAsocCamp dinner later @ bugis. its one of those obligatory things yknw. gives me a chance to meet new people though. met one girl in my group by chance at floorball yest (:

we'll see how things go from now. whatever it is, one thing's for sure - i'll be there every step of the way..

on a side note, Burn the Floor - Floor Play's this dance performance thingy, very highly rated. it's somewhat like Lord of the Dance if you've seen it. pretty cool - mainly cos i knw i cant do it ;)

cheers.

burn the floor, my mind and soul

oohkay. let's see. not really in the mood for updates but will get what i can in. mm. went for FLOORBALL recre today with the starringSMU peeps. had a ball of time. it was really xiong though. perspired like mad, ran like crazy but it served its purpose. i forgot every trouble momentarily playing the game(s). shihui and i headed home aft for dinner whilst the guys headed to Cathay. mann im shagged. nothing much on tmrw till the evening - Asoc Camp pre-camp dinner..

well well i'd say alot's been going on lately. not really with me but someone who means alot to me. so it kinda affects me la. maybe i was being insensitive. maybe we all were. i said she's changed. has she? or have we just not looked deep inside? i wish she'd tell me. but she cant say. cant blame her there. but i just wanna help. i feel so helpless and useless now. i really wna cry.

i think, all i want for my birthday this year's for all friendships to hold, and for the problems to be solved. c'mon. we're way stronger than that, arent we?

on a side note, anyone wanna watch Burn the Floor - Floor Play? got student price i think..
anyway im out for now; be back should more thoughts flood my mind. cheerio.

busybee, even BEFORE school starts

shan't update too much, i need to sleep. its gna be hectic till i start schl, expect it to get worse after tht. jst a brief update, i'l blog more whn im finally free..

TIME - Transformation in Me; SMU Freshmen TeamBuilding Camp 2007 13-15 July

it was really kinda like a military camp.. Plan, Execute, Debrief; No stimulation plse -_- but had nice group mates. SPARTANS won! our group got 3rd for the Final Challenge. really chiong-ed mann. tunnelling and rafting was fun too, but not so fun whn you get kicked in the face for no reason.. :(

SMASHIN' Sports Camp 2007 17-19 July

whoo this was great mann. HE-MAN! i've never felt so happy bout getting last before.. it was hell fun though. amazingrace, soccer match at the stadium, rotation sports, water games, Ice Cold B's, the dares (:/), late night at Arab St, Telematches, finale. its all good and smashin' indeed (: after camp walked with zhernleing from schl to PS for her electricguitar lesson thn headed home to dohh :P

Today

barely had enough rest, had starringSMU today, day1 of car foam party a.k.a exploitation of student labour for car wash. haha.. it was pretty good though, esp. with the "Q&A" session and coffee bean chillout. lol. all good except for hy who kept complaining and asking me for the time every 15min.. (hy, tmrw if you wna ask for the time jst rmbr its roughly 15min from the last time you asked me.. HAHA)

tmrw as well, will be heading for db trng before gg to wash cars agn. yikes. sure shag mann. movie aft tht babe? super tired and im barely done. take a look at my schedule from now..

21/7: Car Foam Party (Holland V) 9am-9pm
22/7: NDP Human Flag Rehearsal (Army Camp) 10am-6pm
24/7: Asoc Camp Pre-Camp Dinner (TBC)
26/7-28/7: Asoc Camp
30/7-2/8: Uni-Y Camp (CIP)
7/8-10/8: starringSMU NDP stuff (long days..)
14/8-16/8: either catholic camp or SMUX camp.. either way i think i'l be halfdead by this date :/
18/8: Convocation (Suntec)
20/8: SCHOOL STARTS
24/8: VIVACE CCA Day - wht shld i choose!

so there you have it. and whn i've breaks in btwn on sundays or smth, i've got church and all. good game. this's wht happens whn you happily sign up for camps separately without putting them altogether on a piece of paper.. whn you finally do, you jst faint and thn pray for a miracle. haha.

okiedokes. tht shall be it for today. im out.

are you ready?

yesterday

woke up, ATTEMPTED to wake hy up (she woke up late..), bathed, rushed to get a flavour each of Ricola for a certain someone who was unhappy.. got scolded by the auntie on the ladder (haha), sweating, rushed to the station on 52 (thus concluding it was "elderly ride for free day" cos the bus was packed with elderly people yakking away), trained to PS to meet syl thn ym came, thn hy. syl left for driving, we headed to Pizza Hut to eat. thn to Heeren. ohmy. one pierced 5 earholes the other pierced her tongue (i dont approve okay but went in to accompany anyway) - got fullbody squeeze in the process waiting for sterilisation. rofl. neoprints, home for dinner. slightly depressed aft dinner suddenly. drank a tad whn everyone slept.. think i got hy a lil mad and worried. sorry babe.. slept ard 4.

today

woke up at 11, woke hy up, online to check the many emails i need for camp correspondence, bathed, hy came to pick me. headed to Mustafa to get hy's trackpants and waterbottle. thn to town. giordano shirts, lunch @ Crystal Jade, thn to CF to pay her fees (ya okayokay.. aft my camp i'l drag you to the gym hy..). donuts 5 for 5bucks! whoo. home, shopped for groceries with mum and sis. got the strawberry milk and some soft biscuits for hy for camp.. decided we shldnt bring Campbell Chicken Alphabet soup and ask em to cook it for her. we might either get kicked out of the camp, or worse, school! back now and shagged. hvnt even packed. im so dead mann.

TRANSFORMERS

okay let's see. im really shagged now so shall just make a quick update and elaborate later (:

yesterday

completed what was left of matriculation, signed up for debit card, library talk, lunch @ crystal jade taka, far east IT'S HAIRY!, earrings, band (:

today

gym PT
pepper lunch with charles
transformers @ lido
visited his friend's tattoo shop

okie tht shld be enough for me to recall wht to update. im sooooo tired now. i could jst drop dead. meeting the girls tmrw! shiok. funfun. i hope my legs hurt less thoughhh.

jelly legs

oohh myyy. legs aching like mad after PT. did all the leg exercises, 40 reps for most instead of 20 or 30! mann now outer thighs, inner thighs, calves all painful! but ohwell. it'l be fine soon. talked to hy for bout half an hour on my way home. looked damn weird choosing buns with my head tilted and paying in tht same manner and boarding the bus the same way (need to tap ezlink!) ah but who cares. haha. to smu agn tmrw to collect my matric card and accompany her for the library talk. shld be gyming aft tht but i think i'l be slack. if i can even move la huh. super tired and i think it's gna rain (sleep tight everyone!). ate damn alot for dinner. not good at all. tskk. this's a tad random, but i love this song:

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do
In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day
(repeat chorus)

i like.

peuan sanit

wow. okay. things've really become unexpected yet somewhat expected. the fear of losing one forever if things go wrong. getting tgt doesnt happen if only one's willing to take the risk. so i guess i'm gna hafta let go. give her up. quite hard, okay VERY tough in fact but wht to do? there's really no other choice for me :( syl said "hmm so conclusion being? you'll just watch her be with someone else? is that it? =/.."; i hadta say, sadly yes. hurts damn much but i guess it's the right thing. at least for now. it'l always be painful to see the one you like/love with someone else, so near yet so far. and i doubt the feelings for this one will ever fade enough for me to feel all right with it. even worse when the feelings are mutual yet the fears are even greater. wo zhen de hen fan. xin tong yknw. majorly so. but aye. as i told syl, i'm cool. and she says "cool your head" or smth to tht effect. hmm.. so yes. we'l leave it here for now i guess. going back to being how we were before's kinda hard. the circumstances're alrdy different and they will never be exactly the same again.. if i knew it'd be like tht, i'd rather i never knew. but yet i'm glad to knw as well. see wht goes through my mind? gives me a headache sometimes :/ tskk.

we both agree this song says it all: (it's a thai song)

เพื่อนคนนึงแอบรักเธอ เก็บงำความลับนั้นอยู่ภายใน
peuan kon neung aeb ruk ter gep ngam kwaam lup nun yoo pai nai
Secretly in love with you, concealing it deep inside me.

ก็ไม่เคยเปิดเผยไป ด้วยกลัวจะเสียใจและเสียเธอ
gor mai ker-ee bert per-ee bai duay glua ja sia jai lae sia ter
I have never disclosed this, for fear of being disappointed or losing you.

ปิดบังอยู่ตั้งนาน แหละมันอัดอั้นใจ
bit bung yoo dtung naan lae mun ut un jai
Withholding it for so long, it keeps distressing me.

ยิ่งเราใกล้ชิดกัน ยิ่งหวั่นไหว
ying rao glai chit gun ying wun wai
The closer we become, the more vulnerable I am.

เธอสบตา กลับหลบตาเธออยู่เรื่อยไป
ter sop-dtaa glup lop dtaa ter yoo reuay bai
You glance at me, then I divert my eyes away looking down.

ห่างแค่เพียงเอื้อมมือ แต่มันก็แสนไกล
haang kae piang euam meu dtae mun gor saen glai
You are just within my arm's reach, but it seems so far away.

ยิ่งเธอเป็นเหมือนเพื่อนสนิท ยิ่งไม่มีสิทธิ์จะบอกไป
ying ter ben meuan peuan sa-nit ying mai mee sit ja bork bai
The closer we are as friends, the less eligible it is for me to say.

หากเป็นใครไม่ใช่เธอ สักวันอาจให้รู้ อาจบอกไป
haak ben krai mai chai ter suk wun art hai roo art bork bai
If it is someone else other than you, someday I may let him know and say it out.

แต่เป็นเธอที่คุ้นเคย ก็เลยต้องยับยั้งคอยชั่งใจ
dtae ben ter tee koon ker-ee gor ler-ee dtong yup yung koi chung jai
However it is the well-acquainted you, I have to hold it back to keep my cool.

ปิดบังอยู่ตั้งนาน แหละมันอัดอั้นใจ
bit bung yoo dtung naan lae mun ut un jai
Withholding it for so long, it keeps distressing me.

ยิ่งเราใกล้ชิดกัน ยิ่งหวั่นไหว
ying rao glai chit gun ying wun wai
The closer we become, the more vulnerable I am.

เธอสบตา กลับหลบตาเธออยู่เรื่อยไป
ter sop-dtaa glup lop dtaa ter yoo reuay bai
You glance at me, then I divert my eyes away looking down.

ห่างแค่เพียงเอื้อมมือ แต่มันก็แสนไกล
haang kae piang euam meu dtae mun gor saen glai
You are just within my arm's reach, but it seems so far away.

ยิ่งเธอเป็นเหมือนเพื่อนสนิท ยิ่งไม่มีสิทธิ์จะบอกไป
ying ter ben meuan peuan sa-nit ying mai mee sit ja bork bai
The closer we are as friends, the less eligible it is for me to say.

ห่างแค่เพียงเอื้อมมือ แต่มันก็แสนไกล
haang kae piang euam meu dtae mun gor saen glai
You are just within my arm's reach, but it seems so far away.

ยิ่งเธอเป็นเหมือนเพื่อนสนิท ยิ่งไม่มีสิทธิ์จะบอกไป ว่ารักเธอ
ying ter ben meuan peuan sa-nit ying mee sit ja bork bai waa ruk ter
The closer we are as friends, the less eligible it is for me to say I love you.

(Interlude)

ห่างแค่เพียงเอื้อมมือ แต่มันก็แสนไกล
haang kae piang euam meu dtae mun gor saen glai
You are just within my arm's reach, but it seems so far away.

ยิ่งเธอเป็นเหมือนเพื่อนสนิท ยิ่งไม่มีสิทธิ์จะบอกไป
ying ter ben meuan peuan sa-nit ying mai mee sit ja bork bai
The closer we are as friends, the less eligible it is for me to say.

ห่างแค่เพียงเอื้อมมือ แต่มันก็แสนไกล
haang kae piang euam meu dtae mun gor saen glai
You are just within my arm's reach, but it seems so far away.

ยิ่งเธอเป็นเหมือนเพื่อนสนิท ยิ่งไม่มีสิทธิ์จะบอกไป ว่ารักเธอ
ying ter ben meuan peuan sa-nit ying mai mee sit ja bork bai waa ruk ter
The closer we are as friends, the less eligible it is for me to say I love you.

i really do..

don't really knw wht to say or think

sighhhhhhh.

i'm sorry for making things so difficult for you :(

it's time i do what's right i guess.. the fear's logical, but maybe i just didn't see it that way. 've been such an ass really. selfish and jealous. if i just let go, just heard those words without hoping for anything whatsoever, none of this would've happened. but then again, i don't think i could have. it's years of feelings, not some crush i change from time to time. it's come full circle and i guess it may never be. sometimes i think god's just a tad cruel to let something like that happen. its like having something so near yet so far, right next to you yet so outta your grasp. that really hurts. sob. the pain's a tad overwhelming at the moment but i'l do fine i suppose (sometimes i secretly think thts why im always the easier option to sacrifice). gotta do what's right to make you happy.

friends are friends forever, if the lord's the lord of 'em. and i friend would not say never, 'cos the welcome will not end; THOUGH IT'S HARD TO LET YOU GO, in the father's hands we know, that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
always a friend and more to me.

i'l do what's right. i promise. trust me.

will you PLAY with me?

in dire need of sleep now. was so tired but couldnt sleep. dont even know what i said last night. all i know's that its hurting pretty badly. all i can hear are the sounds made in the cab; those i tried to block out but then ironically heard everso clearly even amidst the blasting sounds of "music". technically its my fault cos i shouldnt mind it at all. [like who am i to mind? you're the person "kiapped" in the middle, you dumbass. GET OUT! i say so but yet cant do so] but why do i mind it so much? the answer's pretty obvious. party was pretty disappointing but an experience nonetheless. back to hy's house after a long detour, cornered, out, talked. the long tight hug from the back in silence; nothing needed to be said - i wish we stayed there forever. "i'm sorry" was about all i could mouth besides constantly pulling hairs from the carpet. lookin' you in the eye would only make me detox which i controlled all-night. don't go, i wanted to say. yin1 wei4 wo3 shi4 zhen1 de4 zhen1 de4 hao2 xi3 huan1 ni2.

next step? we'll see.

(and bytheway, i'm never asking anyone to dance again. not tht i personally did so but still.. i'm so insulted.)

i'm just. lost. you found me, lifted me on high thn gave me up the very next moment. whyyy? :(

just because you gave me up doesnt mean i can give you up. i've been waiting forever to hear you say wht you did tht night. i was so so happy. now tht you did, and aft whts happened recently, i'm not so sure i wanted to hear it in the first place. cos it hurts so so much to see you with someone else. and i'm jst being jealous and selfish. I'M SORRY.

national dragonboat festival 2007 - 30th june, 1st july

saturday

heats - we came in first ! ming and victoria came to support ! :) followed us around and took pictures for me (felt like a star HAHA) race started at the horn, we broke out at the start and led to the finish with a time of 5min22sec .
it was really great and the feeling of breaking the finish line first's smth i'l never ever forget. esp on my virgin dragonboat race. after tht it was time to rest and get ready for sunday's final (:

sunday

we lost the final ): dont knw wht exactly went wrong - messy apparently. rowed until my arm nearly fell off and i nearly collapsed at the end but still.. sigh. at least our timing improved - 5min10sec. this has taught me tht teamwork can be everything and without, it can break everything.. thanks to everyone on the team for all the encouragement and serene's "mel, quan kao ni le!" before the race; spurred me to give it all without a care of wht cld happen past the finish line. it was all-in-all a great great experience - learnt so much and got to knw so many more really nice people. thanks to raphael and rueben for teaching me everything i knw about the sport and for walking with us every step of the way. after tht we talked bout the Round Singapore Challenge with an estimated finish time of 30hours. whoo endurance paddling. i'm definitely up for it! we'll see.

today

woke up later (yay), breakfast, brought siblings to cine to watch Goal!2. was pretty okay. to be continued.. hmm. thn to SCB to return my pass and hand in the timesheet.. back home to stone, got the email about CityChase 2007! huiying said she'll join with me but we'll see how. really dont wna torture her. its an amazingrace kinda thing. sent the mail to gool ol' senior Serene. she's damn on bout it. if she cant join corporate with the rest, perhaps i'l pair with her and spare hy the agony (thanks for offering though dear (:)

speaking of the weather (damn random HAHA) its super humid, cant stop perspiring at all! argh. hvnt exercised today, doubt i'm gna do it. lol.

i love this song by MLTR; it's called Nothing To Lose. enjoy (:

There are times when you make me laugh
There are moments when you drive me mad
there are seconds when I see the light
though many times you made me cry
There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man
Chorus
Nothing to lose your love to win
Hoping so bad that you'll let me in
I'm at your feet Waiting for you
I've got time And nothing to lose
There are times when I believe in you
These moments when I feel close to you
there are times I think That I am yours
though many times I feel unsure
There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man
Chorus
Nothing to lose your love to win
Hoping so bad that you'll let me in
I'm on your feet waiting for you
I've got time and nothing to lose
I'll always be around you keep an eye on you
and i won't let you down cos you're the only one
Chorus
Nothing to lose your love to win
Hoping so bad that you'll let me in
I'm at your feet waiting for you
I've got time and nothing to lose

out, hot and wet